Mike Bost

Congressman Mike Bost is many things. He’s the congressman for the 12th district of Illinois! He has dimples! And he’s definitely not Satan. Were he The Devil, we’d know by now.

Mike Bost is willing to admit when he’s wrong, which is good. For example, he now says that he is for laws that protect people with pre-existing conditions, even though he proudly voted to repeal those laws again and again.

This makes perfect sense since, as a former member of Illinois Legislature, he and his family get health care coverage for life, regardless of pre-existing conditions. That’s the law! How could he possibly be against that law applying to everyone? Of all things, if Mike Bost were somehow being disingenuous about healthcare issues affecting millions of Illinoisans, then that would be devilish indeed. But he’s not! Really! So don’t worry.

Mike Bost is all about tradition and constancy. Even though Mike Bost largely won office in 2014 on a critique of his opponent’s total lack of in-person town halls, Mike Bost hasn’t had any in-person town halls in the last two years. Were he to go against the tradition of his office and actually have town halls, that would fly in the face of everything he stands for, and frankly, that’d be proof of infernal origins.

Instead of debasing his office by mixing with the rabble of his home district, Mike Bost rubbed elbows with the elite at the Waldorf Astoria Boca Raton, in a wealthy Florida enclave whose name literally translates as “Rat’s Mouth”. Surely he was there to spread the word of God among the ungodly, since he billed this trip to his campaign . Some call it the Waldorf Astoria, and some call it the Boca Raton Resort and Club. Mike Bost calls it both.

Mike Bost is willing to practice what he preaches. He may have voted for billionaire and multi-mega-millionaire tax cuts that have exponentially increased our national debt without helping the economy, but that is totally consistent with his private behavior. Over the last two years, Mike Bost has racked up a massive $27,000 tab at The Capitol Hill Club , a swanky private club for Washington insiders , which he pays using his campaign funds. That puts him in the top 10% of Members of Congress who spent money campaign funds at The Capitol Hill Club - and don’t we want elected leadership from the top 10%?

We know Mike Bost isn’t Satan because he knows that his duties as a US Representative are sacred, and beyond reproach. Did you know that when Mike Bost went to Washington, he didn’t even unpack his bags before heading to the floor to block the Office of Congressional Ethics from investigating Members of Congress ? That shows an almost blind faith in his fellow congressmen, and don’t we want to elect a man of faith?

Mike Bost believes we should mold today’s young people into strong go-getters like Mad Max, by cutting Pell Grants , which would otherwise coddle the most talented and poorest of our children by helping to pay for college. This way, they will only qualify for more biblical professions, like blacksmith, magi, or, thanks to Mike Bost’s healthcare votes, leper.

Mike Bost believes in giving the less fortunate a chance to prove themselves, probably because he feels he already has. Mike Bost’s team spent ten grand on opposition research and in combination with their friends, millions on political ads, but forgot to buy MikeBost.com. The Devil would never be so tolerant of such bungling oafs as Mike Bost’s Campaign Manager Dustin Rhodes, consultants, bundlers , and friends with millions of dollars to spend , unless it were nepotism.

Most of all, we know Mike Bost isn’t hiding horns and a tail under a toupee because Mike Bost rails against Old Scratch at every opportunity, even going so far as calling anybody who disagrees with him either The Devil or saying they somehow work for The Devil. Who is Mike Bost running against? Satan. Who does Mike Bost want to rise up and help him? “God’s armies.” That sort of language inspires nothing but peace and collaboration in an environment like America in 2018.

Mike Bost: He’s definitely not The Devil.